The Directory is simply a compilation of the various businesses and other establishments which have been set up by members of Assville over the years. Everyone is welcome to use any of the businesses and establishments contained within the Directory in posts, but when doing so, please show the owner the courtesy of an email copy of such post.

This directory was compiled by MJaBrat and she is responsible for it's content.

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I. GOVERNMENTAL SERVICES/EDUCATIONAL FACILITIES/CLUBS, COMMITTEES, CHARITABLE, FRATERNAL, SPIRITUAL ORGANIZATIONS/MEDIA OUTLETS

A. Governmental Services

1. Police Dept.
2. Court of Law
3. Fire Dept.
4. City Asssessor
5. Town Historian
6. Public Library
7. English Workers Republic EmbASSy

B. Educational Facilities

1. Asssville Academy for Girls
2. The Happy Valley Home for Wayward Brats

C. Clubs and Committees, Fraternal, Charitable and Spiritual Organizations

1. Committee for Good Grooming
2. Committee for Very Proper and Exceedingly Politically Correct Behavior
3. The Society to Promote Angelic Nice Kids Instead of Naughty Girls (The SPANKING Foundation)
4. The Old Farts Lodge
5. The Art of Spanking Reading Room and Lending Library
6. The New Community Chapel

D. Media Outlets

1. The Daily Crier and Sunday Tattler
2. WOTK Radio

II. BUSINESSES

A. Stuff for you to do

1. Diane's Gym and Sports Center
2. Corporal Gym
3. Garak 99 Health Club
4. Vashti's Exotic Dance Studio
5. Mrs. Mommy Shanon's Daycare
6. Spanking Services Shop
7. Palmistry
8. Quester's Hot Tubs & Jacuzzi

B. Stuff for you to buy

1. Old Time KnickKnacks
2. Top & Bottom
3. Otk's House of Hairbrushes
4. First Impressions

C. Food, Drink & Lodging

1. The Crop & Paddle
2. MJ's Fudge Shoppe and Massage Parlour
3. Aviva's Donut & Hot Bun Emporium
4. Starbutt's Coffee
5. Squire Hobbitt's Woodshed & Treats

III. ENTERTAINMENT

A. Community Theatre and Movie House

1. Saucy's Theatrical Productions

I. GOVERNMENTAL SERVICES/EDUCATIONAL FACILITIES / CLUBS, COMMITTEES, CHARITABLE, FRATERNAL, SPIRITUAL ORGANIZATIONS / MEDIA OUTLETS

A.Governmental Services

1. Police Department - 911 - Chief of Police Ritch Flynn will keep the streets of Asssville safe as he and his officers patrol in their newly purchased Crown Victoria cruisers. Chief Flynn runs the jail and the K-9 Corps Kennel. If there is no answer at 911, try Aviva's Donut Emporium.

2. Asssville Court of Law - His Honor Lord Petruchio de Domville presides over the Town's Court of Law. All decisions are final (there is no right of appeal in Asssville), and penalties are carried out in the Town Square immediately following the verdict being rendered. As he is a kindly judge at heart <g>, young offenders who possess legal guardians will be turned over to said guardians for sentence to be carried out; older brats and incorrigible offenders will be dealt with *personally*! <VEG>

3. Fire Department -- Do NOT call 911 for a burning butt. Chief LAR will just make it hotter. Flamers will be prosecuted.

4. City ASSSessor -- Judys is the Asssville City Assessor. The city coffers have enough wealth in them from the wonderful citizens that we have. However, living in Asssville is privilege that must be paid for in some way. As City Assessor, Judys is required to determine just how many swats of a nice wooden paddle each citizen should receive for the privilege of living here.

For those Dom/mes or Tops living in our fair city, they may assign these swats to be received by any of the subs or bottoms in the city. For those subs or bottoms living in the city, it will be mandatory that they accept the number of swats assessed to their property plus accept any number of swats that have been given to them by a Dom/me or Top. All payments will be dealt with on the town green where a special tax bench has been installed. All taxes will be paid on the bare bottom of the taxed citizen at 10:00 a.m. on the day the taxes are due. The Tax Collector or one of his/her representatives will be at the bench on a daily basis to collect what is owed. Past due taxes will incur heavy penalties. It will be the responsibility of the Asssville Sheriff to pick up late tax payers and deliver them to the park so that their tax bill may be paid.

5. Town Historian -- Peach is the duly appointed Town Historian, whose offices are housed in the Public Library. In this position, she researches the background of the community of Asssville, publishing educational material for the townsfolk to read. Sometimes when a question plagues the community, knowing what our ancestors did in their times of crisis helps to bring enlightenment. Her most recent publication, "The True History of Assville," which dealt with the issue of sanctuary, was quite controversial, causing a lot of - ahem- intellectual debate in the community. Since that time, she has maintained this municipal position out of the goodness of her heart and the reluctance to give up the excellent benefits (see Town Assessor). She has a beautiful office with a smaller, private room leading off it, and at times one of the tops visiting the library, visits her there if he found errors in or disagreed with something in one of her publications. She cannot tell you what wonderful memories that private, little room holds (sigh). Peach is at your disposal in such matters.

6. Public Library - Miss Angel is our Town Librarian, and as such, reviews all sorts of media for inclusion in the Public Library, purchases appropriate materials, and -- best of all -- is responsible for handling those borrowers whose books are overdue and miscreants who refuse to hush. There is also a private Reading Room and Lending Library for those unceremoniously booted out by the librarian (see Services section).

7. English Workers Republic EmbASSy - AmbASSador Nikolai is the official representative of the English Workers Republic in Assville. The EmbASSy is a fine ambASSadorial dwelling fully equipped with the appropriate technology. There is an extensive library of English spanking publications , literature and video tapes. Individual tuition is available for any Assville citizens who wish to learn at first-hand (and first-strap, tawse, slipper, cane) about English spanking practice. The AmbASSador himself will conduct sessions for female citizens and it is hoped that his Godmother will be available for male citizens. There is also an extensive display of English goods from such businesses as Canes Unlimited and Uniforms of Distinction. The AmbASSador is empowered to award the prestigious Hammer and Slipper award to Assville citizens who have been of signal service to the EmbASSy and these desirable medals have already been awarded to Citizens Klonda and Jennifer.

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B. Educational Facilities

Asssville Academy for Girls - The Assville Academy for Girls announces registration for classes beginning August 30, 1997. The academy is located on the grounds of the former Hope Plantation house on Atlanta Ave. and Georgia Lane. The institute is dedicated to the refinement and education of young people, through application of strict discipline, and requires rigorous adherence to high standards of excellence both in the academic setting and outside the classroom. All students are welcome, however *NO* deviations from the school uniform will be tolerated.

This uniform consists of a knee length grey pleated skirt, a long-sleeved white blouse, white socks, black patent leather shoes, a grey plaid tie, and a white straw hat. Gym uniforms will be grey or navy blue terry cloth shorts and T-shirt and white canvas gym shoes.

Headmaster and American History professor: Doc2B
Dept. Chair Computer Science: Greg Howard
Dept. Chair English: Bea
Dept. Chair Mathematics: Barrister
Dept. Chair Philosophy/Rhetoric: Debbie Ann
School Supply Store Manager: BraveBoy
Grounds keeper: Joe Drool.

The academy is looking to fill several instructor positions. If any qualified citizen wishes to apply, please contact me at my office. Sincerely, Doc2B Headmaster, Assville Academy for Girls.

2. The Happy Valley Home for Wayward Brats is actually located in an old manor house Devonshire, but there is a magic tunnel just east of Uncle Kent's house that is s shortcut to it. The Home is operated by "Papa" Grant (aka Papa3g3 or Papa58) and his daughter-in-law "Mommy" Dawn (aka Elaan). The home accepts children with AVT ages of 6 to 21. Children are home-schooled by Papa, Mommy and Aunt Sara with a few technical specialists as required. Children under 13 are housed in dormitory-style rooms, older teens have smaller semi-private or private rooms depending on age and sex. All children are expected to help with chores, do their schoolwork and obey the rules. Discipline is firm but fair and errant children can expect red bottoms. With special permission, some children are allowed to board with Uncle Kent who is somewhat less stringent about rules.
Children may enter the Happy Valley Home voluntarily or they may be sent there by parents, spouses or guardians. We have bed space for about 30 children and currently have a population of 15 girls and 5 boys. this fluctuates from day-to day but there is almost always space available. In the near future we will be renovating another wing of the old manor house and will be able to accept another 20-30 youngsters.

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C. Clubs and Committees, Charitable and Spiritual Organizations

1. Asssville Committee for Good Grooming
Contact: Knax, committee scribe
Policy Initiative: Proposed establishment of school uniforms for the town school, beloved Asssville High School/College. Unfortunately, the uniform requirement was never implemented due to the student revolution led by the Biker Brats. But the Committee is still hard at work considering proposals to promote the vital goal of Good Grooming and the Greater Good of Asssville.

2. Asssville Committee for Very Proper and Exceedingly Politically Correct Behavior
Contact: Knax, committee spokes human
Policy Initiative: Proposed that all town citizens make the "Politically Correct Spanko's Pledge" to use only environmentally-friendly spanking implements such as the recycled plastic paddle and all-natural-fiber cloth strap.

The Committee also proposed establishment of a $1 per cyber-spank excise tax that, based on the town's current per capita rate of cyber-spanking, would generate approximately one trillion dollars annually. The revenues would support Spankos Security, an unemployment compensation program for workers and business owners impacted by the switch to environmentally friendly spanking implements.

3. Charitable Organization: The Society to Promote Angelic Nice Kids Instead of Naughty Girls, or the SPANKING Foundation for short
President: Petruchio.
The goals of this society will be to spank, errr, stamp out all signs of that most serious disease, Bratitis, in this our fair city.

Unfortunately, Bratitis has no known cure and present-day therapy is limited to symptomatic treatments only (although rumors abound that experimental therapies are undergoing human trials by Dr. Simpson). Present treatments are both long and costly. It requires the dedication and determination of one or more persons to get to the bottom of the matter systemically, and to ensure, through regular follow-up therapy, that the disease does not re-emerge after being brought under control. It also requires the maintenance of complex equipment to assist the execution of the therapy, and the purchase of implements to aid its application (due to public fears of STD transmission, public health authorities recommend that each guilty, errr, infected person have his/her own set of such implements).

Costly though these treatments may well be, they are clearly offset on a cost/benefit basis by the hazards of otherwise letting the disease run rampant in the community -- snottiness, rudeness, and disrespectful attitudes towards Doms would abound without it.

US 501(c)(3) and Canadian charitable status has been received, and UK certification has been applied for. If sufficient interest exists, other EU countries may be applied to for certification. Donations to support this essential medical service -- not covered by any country's public or private health care plans -- may be sent to the SPANKING Foundation, care of Petruchio, Duchin's Crop & Paddle, Asssville.

4. Fraternal Organization -- OLD FARTS LODGE
Proprietor - Papa
Provides lodging, feeding and other services for mature (40+) Doms and Dommes. Bar and dining room supervised by Papa's lovely daughter Griselda. Griselda, alas, is vanilla, but does keep a tranquilizer gun under the bar in case of a Brat attack. Newest feature is the Wheel of Brats in the lower Game Room. The Wheel has the capacity to hold six Brats simultaneously while presenting their bottoms for easy access. Caution: Wheel spins clockwise only - attempts to move it in a counter clockwise direction may result in damage to Wheel and/or Brats.

The Lodge is also the meeting place for the Asssville SWAT team which assists the Police Chief in Brat control. Happy hour is on Fridays from 1600 to 2200 local time. This is usually BYOB (Bring Your Own Brat) unless the SWAT team has gotten lucky or the Chief has caught up on his naps.

5. The Art of Spanking Reading Room and Lending Library
Just down from Lily's you will find The Art of Spanking Reading Room and Lending Library. First opened in Assville last year (amongst all the spam) we would like to invite all new residents and old to stop by and take part in discussion groups (see below) or check out your favorite author of spanking tails (tales). We cater to all points of view, male/female, female/female, female/male and male/male, Doms, subs and, of course, switches.
Rooms for play or discussion available upon advanced notice, or in some cases the naughty behavior of a sub.

Something new here is a more structured discussion group agenda, as follows:
Mondays - 6PM- 7PM - Spanking Away the Monday Blues.
7PM- 8PM - Brats-Anonymous
Tuesday - 6PM- 8PM - Switch and Switch A Like
Wednesday - 12 - 1PM - Take a Top to Lunch
7PM- 8PM - How Do I Spank Thee, Let Me Count the Ways (Tops only)
Thursday - 6PM- 7PM - Brat-a-non (Tops only)
6PM- 7PM - Brats Play Room Open
Friday - 6PM- 8PM - Stress Reduction - Bring a Brat/Play
Discussion groups are open to all, except where specified, i.e., brats cannot crash a Top discussion group, and vice versa.

6. The New Community Chapel
staffed by Rev. Elizabeth B. Foster, Sister B. Goode, Brother Dwarf, and Deaconess Laura, is now open and ready for business. This totally non-denominational endeavor is here to serve the entire community (or as much of it as wants serving <g>). More details about the Chapel and the opening festivities can be found in the recent post: "NOTICE! New Community Chapel Opens!:-)" and further information is in the recently posted: "FAQ: NEW COMMUNITY CHAPEL" (which will be re-posted periodically, and will also be on dejanews soon).

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D. Media Outlets

The DAILY CRIER and SUNDAY TATTLER:
Now accepting advertising at a rate of $50 per six inches. Flames are free; puns sold by the dozen. Put your ad in the Asssville's best-read newspaper and feel results immediately.
Advice column by Domino.
Special children's section every day and weekly pullout News You Can Bruise.
The DAILY CRIER (All the Fits That's News We Print) and the SUNDAY TATTLER (If You Don't Get It, You Don't Get It.)
Call T. Toes, Editor/Publisher, but watch what you call him.

WOTK Radio
Heathy and Jennifer, all American girls and Radio DJ princesses
Asssville University is very proud to announce the birth of a brand-new radio station. Call letters WOTK will begin broadcasting in varied formats as of this week. Owned and operated by Asssville residents and University students Jennifer and Heathy, the station will present a variety of music from several genres, as well as public service announcements, news, and talk radio programs.

Jennifer will host a daily classic rock program featuring great bands such as Journey, Pink Floyd, the Rolling Stones, Van Halen, and many others. The show will be called Jen's Corner. Requests are always welcome.

Heathy will host two different shows, on alternating days, one featuring great 80's retro tunes from bands such as Flock of Seagulls, Duran Duran, Human League, New Order, the Cure, etc., to be called Retro Basement. The other show will play tunes from today's cutting edge alternative bands, geared towards the local teenaged crowd, from Prodigy and No Doubt to Bjork, the Foo Fighters, and more. Both of these shows will also play requests. Local news and community announcements will be read several times each day, and anyone wishing to reach the whole community is welcome to use WOTK as their forum.

{RL note here: If you have an announcement or statement you'd like to make to Assville and want to use the radio to do so, feel free to just post your thread as a radio announcement. The REAL Jennifer and Heather won't mind if you use their station's name as your forum...free speech being what it should be in Assville, everyone's welcome to say whatever they want. But if you have something you'd like to say anonymously, send an e-mail to wotk@yahoo.com and we'll "read your announcement on the air" without revealing your name.}

Negotiations are underway to purchase the rights to broadcast well-known spanko, Howard Stern's talk show on WOTK. Community residents are also welcome to approach the station managers with any program idea they might like to host.

The station is intended to be for everyone, so if you'd like to see a talk show about paddling techniques, or how to avoid a spanking, or how to keep bugs out of your garden, or how to feed and maintain your platypi, or creative ways to use those pesky flamingoes as lawn art, since they won't leave anyway.... feel free! Local businesses are encouraged to use the station to advertise, as are civic groups, party-planners, and anyone else who just has something to say. Announcements pertaining to public punishments may be read on-air, and the station will broadcast such punishments, should the top or dom in question wish us to. All brats are welcome to go on the air to complain about the unfairness of their spankings, too.
DISCLAIMER! The opinions, ideas, and beliefs expressed on WOTK do not necessarily reflect the opinions, ideas and/or beliefs of the station's management, and Heathy and Jennifer do not accept responsibility for anything anybody else says on the air. So there. Ain't gonna get spanked for something somebody else said or did, nuh-uh, no way, not unless it's something WE actually said or did. HOWEVER, we promise to manage our station responsibly and do not allow flame wars, vicious gossip or destructive behavior to be expressed on our station. Anybody who wants to say any of that kinda stuff had better go elsewhere. Only sane, politely worded and respectful announcements, please. So if you want to call your top ugly names, or say they're a horrid tyrant, you'd better say it in the nicest way, and you better not flame anybody's stories or lifestyles on OUR station.
The opinions expressed on WOTK radio do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the management, Jennifer and Heather, and so management will not be held responsible for anything said on the air that might get them in trouble!

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II. BUSINESSES

A. Stuff for you to do

1. Diane's Gym and Sports Center
The newly refurbished athletic facility now includes the finest high tech designed weight room, martial arts dojo, indoor and outdoor pools, basketball court, football, baseball, soccer, and Calvin ball fields, and a roller blade arena. Other sports facilities to be added as needed. Call DSWDiane for membership details.

2. Corporal Gym
Brats, have you ever lacked the will power necessary for a proper work-out? Are you unable to stay with the work-out once you've begun? Do you have trouble eating and maintaining a proper and nutritional diet? Brats, worry no more! It is a fellow brat's extreme pleasure to announce that the CORPORAL GYM is now OPEN!!!!

For a modest annual sum, you can receive a total work-out and have PERSONAL attention from a TRAINER. Said TRAINER will INSURE that you will have a daily work-out. This way, you lovely brats will not need to waste your precious energy on dragging yourselves to a "normal" gym each day. Nor will you have to force yourselves to DO an actual workout. Your very own TRAINER will ENSURE that you have a workout. How, you ask? It depends on the contract involved. A brave brat will sign Contract #1.
Contract #1 states that if a brat fails to show up for her or his daily work-out, then the brat's PERSONAL TRAINER will soundly CORRECT said brat on brat's next appearance. ATTENDANCE MOTIVATION is also achieved by clause 5 in paragraph 6, which briefly states:
"Any brat who continually fails to abide by the daily appointment, which they themselves make, shall be placed, for a total of two hours, on BENCH."
Brats, you do not wish to be put on the BENCH. It is used exclusively for Brats who continually fail to keep their daily work-out appointments. The BENCH is located within the main exercise room so that the recipient can serve as an example to all other Brats. Any Brat who is sentenced to the BENCH, is securely strapped down. A switch is thrown, thereby permitting the energy created from the various exercise bikes, rowing machines, step climbers, and even the individual exercise machines which have their own straps and paddles to power the machine connected to the BENCH. The machine has several straps attached that revolve due to the energy produced by other brats or even our BELOVED DISCIPLINARIANS who are maintaining the physical prowess so necessary to maintain BRAT DISCIPLINE. It is thought that some comfort may be derived by the recipient from the concern for her/his physical well being. This will motivate those on the energy producing exercise machines to exercise faster; thereby increasing the BENCH machine's speed. It should be noted that the straps are manufactured from old weight-lifting belts. Thus, as a Brat who understands the desire to avoid exercise, I strongly urge other Brats not to skip their daily appointments.

For Brats who are not brave or, like your humble proprietor, need ASSISTANCE in achieving a proper work-out; there is CONTRACT #2. CONTRACT #2 provides that if the brat does not keep the daily appointment, then the Brat's PERSONAL TRAINER shall fetch said Brat. It is quite likely that after the intense -- and I am certain that it will be more intense had the Brat kept the appointment -- work-out, shower, cleansing enema, and massage, the Brat's PHYSICAL TRAINER will securely strap the Brat to the BENCH.
Moreover, in either contract, the Brat can request the TRAINER to insure proper nutrition and diet. Each TRAINER has his or her own unique policy regarding Brats who fail to maintain their diets or eat poorly, but it is CORPORAL POLICY that such techniques will include a public disciplinary enema that must be maintained for ten minutes.

The Corporal Gym also provides aerobic work-outs and group work-outs. Our exercise machines have the necessary accoutrements so ENCOURAGEMENT DEVICES can be attached by PHYSICAL TRAINERS.

The CORPORAL GYM also has a swimming pool for laps. It is advised that Brats behave here; otherwise the TRAINER may restrain the wet brat onto the itchy diving board. The Brat concerned need not worry about catching a cold as the Brat will soon be warmed.

CORPORAL GYM POLICY is that College and Grad School Brats can purchase annual memberships at reduced price.

CORPORAL GYM POLICY is that any TRAINED DISCIPLINARIAN who elects to become a PERSONAL TRAINER may receive a discount in membership fees of up to 50%.

CORPORAL GYM POLICY is that the PERSONAL TRAINER controls the Gym's water temperature. Therefore, if the TRAINER believes that the Brat has had a good work-out and behaved sufficiently, then the Brat may have a warm shower but if the TRAINER decides otherwise, the water temperature is turned down.

We are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and are closed only for national holidays. Brats and Disciplinarians, sign up now.

3. Garak 99 Health Club
Residing here for over 2 years now I have become tired of having to travel out of town to find a health club so let it be known that as of Wednesday April -1-1998 I will be opening the GARAK 99 HEALTH CLUB with free membership to all residents of SSS we will have 24 hour 7 day per week operation for your workout enjoyment. We are currently accepting applications for Aerobic Instructors, Personal Trainers, and Reception Desk Personal you may send your resumes to garak99@hotmail.com

4. Vashti¹s Exotic Dance Studio
Israeli and Balkan folk dance, Middle Eastern dance, the-hopping-around with-your-butt-on-fire dance (at Wellington¹s insistence), and Asssville¹s own version of the Macarena: the famous Happy Girl Wiggle Dance (Debbie Ann - special instructor).

All instructors are equipped with switches with which they indicate gently the portion of the body that requires extra attention for correct performance.

5. Mrs. Mommy Shanon's Daycare for all naughty "little" boys and girls
As many of you know, I'm new to the town and want to open a new shop for all concerned Moms, Dads, aunts and uncles of the town. I've had to give it some considerable thought about what kind of business I would like to open but as some people have stopped by it seems as though all the "little" boys or girls are starting to get out of hand. So, I've decided that the best thing for me to open. I know that many of the brats in this town won't be happy about it but I feel its one of the best business to open! So hopefully in the next few days, I will be able to get the permits and help from the town to get my daycare open with in the next week!

6. Spanking Services Shop
Gbpoobah, proprietor
The new Spanking Services Shop in the old Baxter Building will soon be open for business. We offer a variety of services from spanking those loved ones you do not have time to spank to group demonstrations on the use of various implements. We are still hiring a few young ladies as demonstration models.

We have kept the old gymnastics studio on the third floor intact as it has several pieces of equipment just right for our service specialties. The old locker rooms have been fashionably refurbished and will be used by employees and customers alike to change into suitable attire for whatever situation is at hand.

Our opening special will be a hair brushing for the price of a hand spanking. Hours will be mostly Tuesday through Thursday. Select random customers will be given free sessions. Others must pay with stories or such. All employee salaries will be paid in shop credit.

7. Palmistry On Paddle Blvd. at the sign of the open palm
Hal, the original proprietor, brought a background in growth and development, and a smattering of psychology, to the age-old practice of palmistry. He has retired, but the business continues to provide a valuable service for residents of all ages and proclivities in the traditional manner.

You all know about palmistry? Reading palms, and exploring people's personalities from that? Well, the current proprietor does not read palms. He reads *with* his palm and will, after giving a very good spanking, determine your personality, your past, present and future from the color and shape of various red blotches his palm helps induce. All kinds of interesting stuff can be read from the areas his palm has visited. Like reading tea leaves, but much more fun for all concerned.

Young brats (18 - 26), half price.

Don't waste your time and money on The Psychic Friends' Network. Get a nice, warm "palm" reading instead. It may be totally inaccurate, but who cares?

Let us get to the seat of your personality. Let us get to the bottom of your needs, and the needs of your bottom. Remember our motto: Your Future Is Behind!

8. Quester's Hot-tubs and Jacuzzi
Located in the Tree House at City Center Plaza
Tree Trunk Apartment Complex (admission for a good soaking --- a bottle of wine for the Quester's wine cellar)

My wine cellar is proving to be a substantial boon to Assville for now everyone knows who should host the next wine-tasting party at the community center.

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B. Cool stuff for you to buy

1. Old Time KnickKnacks
"Dom" Perignon, Proprietor
(AMEX board listing - OTK)
OTK announces the opening of our newest store, right here in Asssville! The widest variety of toys and knicker-knockers available in one store! Come one, come all.

Grand Opening Specials include FREE In-Home delivery! Just imagine, free OTK delivery, right in your own home! Place your orders soon, as we expect the demand to be very heavy! Customer satisfaction guaranteed! If you aren't satisfied with any OTK product or service, you are welcome to return your OTK purchase, and "Dom" Perignon will accept it PERSONALLY, with abject apologies. (And a happy smile!)

2. Top & Bottom
Top & Bottom is a local manufacturer of top-quality hairbrushes, canes, caned chairs, and paddles. Top and Bottom sells factory-direct through our showroom in downtown Asssville. Our products can also be found in other local specialty shops. The owner of Top & Bottom, Mr. LAR, is proud to demonstrate his products for interested customers. For more information, contact Mr. LAR.

3. Otk's House Of Hairbrushes
Otkforu, proprietor 1 Hairbrush Lane
Please feel free to stop by and visit our "I promise to be good room." There you will find a helpful sales staff who will assist you in finding that perfect brush for every occasion. We also have an extensive catalog with many hard to find items, such as heirloom hairbrushes and other fine implements of correction.

We accept the following credit card: MASTER card. If the card does not say MASTER on it, we don't accept it.

Each product comes with a complete guarantee that sitting down will not be an option for the recipient after it's been applied to the seat. If for any reason you are not satisfied, just return it for a prompt refund, as well as a good sound spanking yourself for not using it properly!!!!!

"When you need to make her cheeks blush, we have the brush!!!"
Store hours: Open 24 hours
Steven Otkforu, Proprietor

4. First Impressions
Hyde Tannin', proprietor
Hyde Tannin' is pleased to announce the opening of "First Impressions," a custom print shop and engraver working with a variety of leather, fabric, paper, wood and plastic items to give the 'personalized touch' to your slave collar, T-shirts, flags, stationery, paddles, etc...

Stop by for our reverse embossed "Bad Boy" and "Bad Girl" paddles. Just the item to make an impression on the bottom you love the most.
Hyde (who always makes an impression)

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C. Food, drink and lodging

1. THE CROP & PADDLE*
(referred to by 'regulars' as C.P.'s)
Proprietor: Duchin (and a few unsavory silent partners),
Location: Downtown Assville, Bunwarmer Blvd.
Phone: 1-800-Spank Me (free call)
Complaints: 1-900-Eat Shit ($18.95/min)
Hours: 24 hours a day

An unbiased quote from the Assville Times:
" This three-story converted buggy whip and leather factory is a wonderful blend of entertainment, eating, and drinking.

The main floor of this 100-year-old structure has been magnificently preserved and offers live entertainment 7 nights a week, simple yet filling meals, and ales from around the world.

One feels at home', whether in a tux, gown, heels, or cowboy boots, and it quickly has become Assville's favorite watering hole - in fact, it is the ONLY watering hole. Competitors seem to have had an incredible run of bad luck at the hands of arsonists, bombers, and the occasional kidnapping of their wives and daughters.

The Crop & Paddle's many timbered oak posts not only provide ambiance but plenty of nooks and crannies for those wishing to be alone to drown their sorrows after flame wars, or just a private moment, yet still be part of the action - which there is plenty of, ... but no rowdiness.

The Chief of Police is regularly paid off to maintain order. If that fails, DaMadDwarf is called in.

For those with sporting blood, illegal bookmaking, card games, slots, campaign funds laundering, and other 'men' things go on in the back room. Just slap the door three times. When the peep hole opens, don't ever ... EVER! ... say: "Joe sent me!"

On the second floor is "The Implement Room" for fine dining fare, as well as banquet and some verrrrrry imaginative private rooms. Reservations are highly recommended.

The third floor houses coveted loft apartments.

The only point of consternation, would be that lawyers are still required to use the back alley entrance. Well - guess you can't please everyone.

All and all, I give The Crop & Paddle five palms ( * * * * * ) for fun, camaraderie, and a generally good time. "
Ace Reporter, Assville Times

2. MJ's Fudge Shoppe and Massage Parlour
Leasing space next to The Corporal Gym
MJ's Fudge Shoppe and Massage Emporium has been opened to accommodate both the fudge-lovers and those with um, sore muscles, paying particular attention to the arm/shoulder area of the men of Asssville. All residents are welcome.

The front of the store will be the fudge shoppe, and various types of yummy homemade fudge will be served in a "sit down" setting. Well, for those who are able to sit, that is <gg>. For those not able to sit comfortably, a counter will be provided for them to stand. Non-alcoholic drinks will also be served to the fudge connoisseurs.

The rear of the space will be used for a massage parlor. MJ, your masseuse, has had years of experience giving needed neck, back, and full body massages to deserving men. As with most massage parlours, MJ's Parlour will also be quite non-sexual, well, ok, maybe a little sexual.... Um, in that regard, Chief Flynn and Judge Petruchio will receive a complimentary massage whenever they want one. <smile>

Certainly, the women of the town are welcome to visit the Parlour also for a massage; the search is on for a male partner to assist the women. Interested males should contact me for a face to back interview.

In order to accommodate our residents without the ability to pay for services rendered, I might be willing to accept a spanking as restitution on an occasional basis. Of course, then the gentleman just might need another arm/shoulder massage... hmmmmm; this could be a problem...

3. AVIVA'S Donut & Hot Bun Emporium
Our display cases feature more than fifty varieties of donuts and bakery delights, including homemade bagels, breads and muffins.

Every week I'll have a guest chef helping me create special new treats as well as old-fashioned favorites. If anyone would like to spend a week kneading dough and icing buns, let me know and I'll schedule you in! You'll get to wear a big, white, baker's hat and a big, white, chef's apron. Any other apparel is totally optional.

To get the grand opening off to a good start, my staff (Chefs Chubby and Chewy) and I are proud to announce three menu specials:
a. THE BRAT BROWNIE. When you bite into these rich, delicious, chocolate brownie-cakes, you'll also encounter good-sized chunks of gooey, white chocolate. And for those of you with a REALLY sweet tooth, look on the counter for our large pot of creamy, fudge frosting...and slather on as much as you like.
b. THE CLASSIC DOM BAGEL. Baked to perfection, these egg & onion bagels are hot and crusty on the outside, soft and warm on the inside. For a special treat, ask for THE TOASTED DOM: sliced, toasted, and drenched in melted butter and whipped honey.
And, of course, we couldn't open our doors without featuring:
c. DA POWDERED CHIEF. Our every-day, dependable, white cake donut ... plump, fresh and dusted with a generous coating of powdered sugar. This hearty snack is guaranteed to deliver a mouthful of pleasure.

In addition to our baked goods, we serve coffee, cocoa and juice all day long in our custom-designed, modular dining area. High-backed, oak benches line two of the walls. And there are plenty of plush, leather-covered cushions scattered about. Our specially-ordered square oak tables are just 2' wide and move easily to accommodate parties of any number. In other words, my friends, the seating arrangements are comfortable, variable and user-friendly.

You're encouraged to use this happy establishment as a regular meeting place. And we'd LOVE it if you'd each dream up your own "signature treat." As long as it's legal, we'll bake it to order, and feature it with our weekly specials.
That's it for now, folks.
Come! Eat! Enjoy!
Baked Hugs,
Aviva

4. Starbutt's Coffee
"Where coffee beans and vanilla beans meet"
StdyRhythm, franchisee
Does this sound familiar? You are planning to meet a lovely spanko for a delicate scene and you tell your vanilla partner, "But, darling, we're just meeting for coffee." Where in town can you meet that will be regarded above suspicion?

At Starbutt's you have the best of both worlds. The charming cafe is the perfect place to bring vanillas for a good cup of Joe or luscious whipped concoction, but when you tell our delightfully pouty staff that you are "having coffee" you will be escorted to one of our specially designed rooms to entertain your guest.

There you will find a complimentary gift basket stuffed with pervertibles and Belgian chocolates from our goodies department. Please consider ordering another for take along or delivery! Yes! We stock Neuhaus!

Just be careful not to say "having coffee" unintentionally; the Caffe Mocha you order may find you staring at the corner in our John Cougar Mellencamp Hurts So Good Suite!

Come in today and cover your ass while it is on full display. "Have coffee" at Starbutt's!

5. Squire Hobbit's Woodshed & Treats has re-opened on the edge of the town green. It will provide a venue for parents, tops, baby sitters etc. with an appropriate environment for providing proper spankings to naughty brats when home is too far away to wait. Squire Hobbit will also administer spankings to naughty brats who feel the need for punishment and have no one to administer one. A wide variety of tasty pies, cakes, and muffins will be available fresh daily.

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III. ENTERTAINMENT